soy sauce

i just had to title this post with my littlest dude's new nickname, lovingly given by my sweet friends' children. so hillarious!

ah, but i’m going through soy sauce withdraw and i haven’t even left yet. it all started on monday...
this was the first week where i put soy in childcare, gasp, all by himself. no brothers, just him... needless to say he was just fine. mama? not so much. you see i’ve made a concerted effort not to put my kiddos in childcare until i thought they were “old enough”. i really wanted to spend the early years home with them, and i feel incredibly blessed that i’ve been able to do just that. but with the increasing amount of work and dwindling family time, i decided it was time. soy sauce will celebrate his second birthday this coming month and he really needs & enjoys the interaction with the other children, and another adult. and, of course, my childcare provider is really the one who makes it all possible. i’m not sure i could have taken the plunge if it weren’t HER! i’m sure i’m no different than all the other mothers out there crying at the thought of leaving their children in some other person’s hands. so having the perfect person really feels like such a blessing.

still, i cried.

and it’s not like i haven’t been putting the two youngest boys in childcare at all before. we started with just a few hours a week in november... but monday was different. first off, it’s a total of almost six additional hours to work. and i’m giving up my only day with soy. on mondays, it’s just he & i.  and it’s the only day  i have with JUST him! typically, we run errands, play at home, and he just generally follows me around all morning while my middle dude is in preschool. he’s my baby.

and so this monday it was official... he isn’t my baby anymore, and family time (& my sanity) is ultimately more important than my need to indulge in him. and it might sound silly, but it was, and still is, kinda hard on me... i went to drop him off that morning and he was excited to see the other kids, completely unfazed by “what day it was” and how disturbed i was. i sat in her driveway and cried. and i understood what so many other mothers have gone through.

and today, i’m leaving him again. my oldest son and i are visiting friends in seattle. yay! we are really excited for a plane ride, and we are going to ride a monorail too (the first time in like 15 years for me... i think i must have just been in high school last time i rode that thing!) and i get to take pictures of one of my best friend's first baby boy—which, as you know, i have a particular affection for. he’s just a couple months old now, and it will be the first time photographing an infant for me... other than mine. so stay tuned! 


and i’m so excited to have time with my son... i guess i’ve just realized that there is so little time spent with each child individually. it’s an important thing to do, so i'll be trying to find new ways to accomplish that. and by the end of the weekend, i’m sure i'll have my fill for some time! lol


lot’s of firsts. good things to come.


here are some pictures taken of soy yesterday. he’s getting so big! he’s in that middle place right now, where one moment he looks like a little dude... and the next, he’s my baby.