expanse

i took this photo in seattle, of course, when we were there last weekend...

although the picture is of my son, i feel like it was taken of me. standing on a edge of an expanse that i sometimes feel is empty, but yet full of beautiful things. space waiting for me to decide how to fill it. the edge of something that is so much greater than myself that it scares the hell out of me... but it's familiar, and i think i can remember how to swim.  like him, in the image, i just feel so small compared to something so huge, with gravity i cannot fully grasp. but if i sit back and take it in, i can see how amazing it is. and even though there is rain, i appreciate and welcome this view. despite how scary it can feel.

long time, no see!

it’s been just about three years since i’ve wrapped my arms around my dear friend and given her a hug. aside from our few and far between iChats, i haven’t seen her... and it had been way too long. but even though the years passed— and it’s a pity given how close we live (relatively speaking)—spending time with her is just as it’s always been. easy. fun. heartfelt. wonderful. we’ve been friends since 7th grade, and needless to say we’ve been through a lot of changes in our lives. i love where she is in her life, and i’m so proud to call her my friend.

her husband, on the other hand... ha!
just kidding D! i’m just glad she found someone to put up with her.

these are some of the other pictures from her “shoot”. i’m putting that in quotes because it was not the typical session. we waited until the last day of our visit. and although we hadn’t had much rain in the previous days, it was like murphy’s law. we woke up to rain and i think this must have been the only brief break the entire day. so when we saw the rain let up to a sprinkle, we darted out of the coffee shop and headed for the water. cranky kids and all.

i NEVER bring my son to a shoot, for obvious reasons. and, of course, he was with us... pushing my buttons the entire time. knowing full-well that i was preoccupied. it’s truly a miracle he didn’t end up in the drink! he wanted to though, as you’ll see in an upcoming post.

in between shouting at my son and cringing at his proximity to the Sound, i got a few shots i really like. i hope my dear friend does as well. but here’s the great thing about having a photography loving buddy: you get lots of opportunities for pictures... and i’ll even put you up at my house, and provide a killer latté to boot!

enjoy...

seattle, part 1.5

i’m still processing the images from my friend’s shoot, but here’s one that i just love... more to come!

and...
i think my son really enjoyed the waterfront & the aquarium. what do you think?
thanks, jules, for the shark!

seattle, part 1

soy sauce

i just had to title this post with my littlest dude's new nickname, lovingly given by my sweet friends' children. so hillarious!

ah, but i’m going through soy sauce withdraw and i haven’t even left yet. it all started on monday...
this was the first week where i put soy in childcare, gasp, all by himself. no brothers, just him... needless to say he was just fine. mama? not so much. you see i’ve made a concerted effort not to put my kiddos in childcare until i thought they were “old enough”. i really wanted to spend the early years home with them, and i feel incredibly blessed that i’ve been able to do just that. but with the increasing amount of work and dwindling family time, i decided it was time. soy sauce will celebrate his second birthday this coming month and he really needs & enjoys the interaction with the other children, and another adult. and, of course, my childcare provider is really the one who makes it all possible. i’m not sure i could have taken the plunge if it weren’t HER! i’m sure i’m no different than all the other mothers out there crying at the thought of leaving their children in some other person’s hands. so having the perfect person really feels like such a blessing.

still, i cried.

and it’s not like i haven’t been putting the two youngest boys in childcare at all before. we started with just a few hours a week in november... but monday was different. first off, it’s a total of almost six additional hours to work. and i’m giving up my only day with soy. on mondays, it’s just he & i.  and it’s the only day  i have with JUST him! typically, we run errands, play at home, and he just generally follows me around all morning while my middle dude is in preschool. he’s my baby.

and so this monday it was official... he isn’t my baby anymore, and family time (& my sanity) is ultimately more important than my need to indulge in him. and it might sound silly, but it was, and still is, kinda hard on me... i went to drop him off that morning and he was excited to see the other kids, completely unfazed by “what day it was” and how disturbed i was. i sat in her driveway and cried. and i understood what so many other mothers have gone through.

and today, i’m leaving him again. my oldest son and i are visiting friends in seattle. yay! we are really excited for a plane ride, and we are going to ride a monorail too (the first time in like 15 years for me... i think i must have just been in high school last time i rode that thing!) and i get to take pictures of one of my best friend's first baby boy—which, as you know, i have a particular affection for. he’s just a couple months old now, and it will be the first time photographing an infant for me... other than mine. so stay tuned! 


and i’m so excited to have time with my son... i guess i’ve just realized that there is so little time spent with each child individually. it’s an important thing to do, so i'll be trying to find new ways to accomplish that. and by the end of the weekend, i’m sure i'll have my fill for some time! lol


lot’s of firsts. good things to come.


here are some pictures taken of soy yesterday. he’s getting so big! he’s in that middle place right now, where one moment he looks like a little dude... and the next, he’s my baby.

holy cow!

let’s start by saying that the entire family has, or has had, strep throat. yay! that means we are quarantined, at least for the first 24 hours of antibiotics. we reached that point at 3 pm today. however, i am still suffering from a sore throat and froggy voice. just in time for our trip to seattle this week! i’m sure i’ll be feeling better by then though!

so yesterday we focused on staying inside, resting up, and doing what we love. that’s right! cooking & baking.

i made a totally awesome recipe for a beef stew type of dish with mashed potatoes that was the perfect comfort food in our time of need. i took some pictures but they really didn’t do the dish justice and my kitchen lighting is totally terrible. in fact, the overwhelming beigeness (is that even a word?) of my house makes for terrible lighting overall. i’ve been thinking lately that it must change... but that’s another post entirely. i think this means i need to get out of the dang house! i might be losing my grip.

oh, but i almost forgot! the dessert! 
i’ve been hanging onto this recipe for quite some time now. not really sure why i haven’t gotten off my bootie and just tried it. but i did yesterday! oh, man. they are called Chocolate Decedence Cookies, and are, by coincidence, GLUTEN FREE... which is why i picked up the recipe in the first place. and maybe it was my perception that gluten free cookies probably can’t be quite as good as the real deal. so, it took me a few months of staring at it, flipping past it, and flat-out ignoring it before i made them.

the Lord knew i needed these cookies yesterday. he saved them for just the right moment.
chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. heaven.
my husband calls them “steamers” for obvious reasons.

Adapted from LemonPi and based on Alice Medrich’s recipe from Bittersweet
here’s the recipe:


Ingredients:

1/4 cup rice flour (I used Mochiko by Blue Star)

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

1/8 teaspoon salt

8 ounces bittersweet chocolate chips

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

2 large eggs

1/2 cup sugar 2

teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 cup pecans

6 ounces bittersweet chocolate chips

2 sheets parchment paper

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a small bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, and salt together, set aside.  Place 8 ounces of bittersweet chocolate chips and butter in a med. microwavable bowl and heat for 1 minute.  Stir the chocolate butter mixture and microwave again for 30 seconds.  Continue to microwave and stir until the chips have melted and your mixture is smooth, set aside.  In a heatproof bowl, whisk the eggs, sugar, and vanilla thoroughly and set the bowl over a pot of barely simmering water using it like a double broiler.  Continue to whisk everything until the mixture is lukewarm.  Combine the egg mixture and the chocolate mixture (should be lukewarm as well) stirring until they are well combined.  Add the flour mixture, 6oz choc. chips, and pecans.  Your batter will look like thick cake batter.  Do not fear, after they bake they will look like and taste like cookies!  Scoop dough (it will look very wet and sloppy) into rounded tablespoons on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper 2 inches apart from each other.  Bake for 14 minutes until the surface of the cookies look dry and set.  With the cookies still on the parchment paper, slide them onto racks to cool.  Gently peel the parchment paper back after cookies have cooled for at least 30 minutes. Enjoy!

sunday

today is cold and yucky outside. my littlest dude is producing copious amounts of snot... and we are staying inside.
minding our own business.
and our business is art.
so we painted.

happy sunday.